And my first thought was: Doctor Who: The Husbands of River Song

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I finally managed to watch the Christmas special of Doctor Who following several days of busy family gatherings and food. Doctor Who’s Christmas specials are typically dominated by sentimentality and sickly sweet morality and happiness and this years was by-in- large no different.  It was a reasonably predictability comedic romp through time complete with guest stars Matt Lucas and Greg Davies and bringing a whole new meaning to the term ‘face-swap’. The central premise of the Doctor saving the chaotically adventurous and immoral River Song from her own greed in order to spend one final Christmas with her. It was a fun episode and it was nice to see the return of Alex Kingston and even nicer to see the River/Doctor relationship seem less creepy for once. Peter Capaldi was not at his best but the cheesiness of the script was not doing him any favours when he is at his best at his darkest. It was sentimental drivel, particularly the final message of ‘And they lived happily ever after’ but it’s Christmas and therefore it can be tolerated…at least this week.

And my first thought was…..Doctor Who: Hell Bent

‘What was the point?’ was my first reaction at the end of Doctor Who Series 9’s finale episode. It was beyond any shadow of a doubt extremely disappointing due to the simple fact that there was next to no plot. Steven Moffatt didn’t so much cop out as fall flat on his face. The series has been building to ‘the hybrid’ revelation and it died a slow painful death. The Doctor could have properly been the hybrid and it could have been a majestically terrifying episode if it had been allowed to be. The return of Gallifrey was under used and the Doctor wasn’t allowed to be truly terrifying I would have preferred it if Steven Moffat had stuck to the premise that Clara is dead and actually focused on the Doctor getting revenge on the timelords, particularly the lord president who could have been used so much more effectively.

The episode did have some good points, when he was allowed to be Peter Capaldi was magnificent and I greatly enjoyed the moment when the general regenerated into an equally awesomely badass female character. I would have preferred it if Clara had stayed dead and Me stayed the hell off my television set but I suppose that I can’t have everything….or anything if this episode was anything to go by.

It was mediocre and I honestly couldn’t tell you what happened because the answer simply is nothing did. Please Steven Moffat there is no need for you to attempt to be clever if the result is dreadful, stick to a simple narrative structure with a villain and the Doctor saving the day if you can’t manage to write anything else without ruining it.

And my first thought was….Doctor Who: Heaven Sent

This was a weird episode, even coming from the man who gave us The Weeping Angels and The Empty Child. It was very suitably for Steven Moffat equal parts brilliant and extremely frustrating. The overarching idea of the Doctor being trapped inside his own confession was ingenious but slightly haphazard in it’s presentation. The plot hole of punching the diamond wall over and over again over the course of a billion years was a little convoluted, particularly as there was no explanation as to why the rest of the ‘house’ reset to as it originally was but this one detail did not. Furthermore, I would have ended the episode a few seconds earlier, at the point that you realise that the Doctor is on Gallifrey rather than dragging it out into an anti-climax by having the small pointless child and the rather woodenly written ‘I am the hybrid’ moment.

Having said that However, the episode was in all other respects one of the strongest episodes of Doctor Who in quite some time. I thought that The Veil was a very good, very chilling antagonist and the morbid and horrific reality of what the Doctor has to repeatedly do in order to escape was the darkest that Doctor Who has been in an awfully long time. I did also like Clara’s presence in his internal monologue through the use of the chalkboard rather than a great deal of screen time for Jenna Coleman. CCTV was effectively used and I liked the motif of the falling skulls that occurred throughout the episode. Overall, credit is due to director Rachel Talalay.

The greatest credit is due to Peter Capaldi’s outstanding performance which was dynamic, nuanced and heart-rendering to watch. It was beyond any shadow of a doubt his best episode yet as the Doctor and  I can only hope that the return to normality next week in Hell Bent does not ruin the anticipation that Heaven Sent has produced.

4.8/5.0

1

And my first thought was…Doctor Who: Face the Raven

Apologies that this is a few days late but I am still in trouble for the last time I broke the ‘no watching Doctor Who without me’ rule. I did not enter into this episode with high expectations a) return of Riggsy b) Jenna Coleman’s less than stellar acting last week c) Maisie Williams. B) was proved entirely unfounded as Jenna Coleman’s departure from the series marked the best performance I have seen her give in a while. A) and C) were tragically entirely correct. It wasn’t that Riggsy was a bad character as such, I just didn’t care sufficiently enough about him to be to bothered if he lived or died the first episode he was in and sadly this weeks episode did not endear him to me any more. Whilst I am frequently informed that I am utterly biased and therefore have no legitimate opinion on the matter Maisie Williams was one of the weaker elements in the episode. Whilst she still plays Moody Me better than she did the innocent Ashildr the performance still felt wooden and underdeveloped in comparison to the more developed and nuanced performances of Jenna Coleman and Peter Capaldi (back on top form this week).

However, the central issue that I had with the episode does unfortunately lie in the script writing. I do regret needing to criticise it as I was rather excited to see that the episode was written by Sarah Dollard. Not because I am aware particularly of any of her previous work but because Doctor Who does not frequently have female writers (we’ve now had two this season). Sadly my anticipation was killed in the first ten minutes. The intriguing idea of the tattooed countdown on the back of the neck was ingenious but I felt that the human motivation behind the numbers was introduced too soon meaning that all dramatic tension fell completely flat. Personally, I would have saved introducing Maisie Williams for another few minutes, allow the viewer to see the numbers on the back of the first victim of the Raven’s neck and the Raven killing him before the human dimension of ‘Me’s plan was introduced. Furthermore, the Janus subplot and the contract with the quantum shade felt extremely convoluted, particularly as a method of engineering Clara’s death. The episode felt as though it was clawing for air and although the acting of Capaldi and Coleman did redeem the writing I felt as though perhaps the episode could have benefited from being jointly written perhaps with Catherine Tregenna who wrote ‘The Woman who lived’.

In contrary to the feeling of many of my closest fellow whovians I will miss Clara Oswald, particularly if Steven Moffatt does something that doesn’t involve killing off ‘Me’…..

Rating: 2.5/5.0

And my first thought was… Doctor Who: Sleep No More

This weeks Doctor Who offering from Mark Gattis was an interesting concept, it was quite sad that it just fell flat.The premise that the sleep in the corner of your eye is evil and that exploitative consumer ideas can accelerate spores consuming your body is a disturbing but fascinating idea. I just never felt as though the actual episode merited the premise.

Firstly, I had issue with the direction of the episode. I found the jerky camera angles distracting and the use of multiple camera angles to be overly gimmicky. It left the episode feeling like a computer game rather than a TV series. I would also have preferred it if the computer game gimmick hadn’t further transmitted in the form of the crew profiles at the beginning of the episode.

The “found footage” narrative would have been more effective had the script been sharper. The dialogue felt sloppy and even the references to Macbeth were lost in a maze of mediocrity. It’s a real shame as I have loved some of Gattis’s past episodes but it just didn’t flow effectively enough to allow the novelty of the ‘found footage’ to be sufficiently coherent. The secondary characters were banal and Rasmussen felt as though Gattis had lost a bet with pal Reece Sheersmith and needed to pigeonhole him in somewhere in the series. I honestly could not tell you what any other the secondary characters names were other than the fact that in the 38th century there is apparently bred slavery in the form of the ‘grunt’. A character whose presence in the episode felt like a 38th century Uncle Tom’s Cabin with death of 474 (Bethany Black) feeling rather like a Uncle Remus type figure laying down his life for the pretty white woman (in this case a clone slave and an aristocratic Indo-Japanese soldier). The dialogue for Clara and the Doctor felt wooden and the promise of the ‘sandmen’ was quickly diminished as the scariest thing about them was that they looked like 6″ blobs of earwax. The ending of the episode was hideously confusing as it left the future of the characters too unresolved, it was less of a cliffhanger and more a plummet off the cliff. I can only hope that there are subtle nuances that I have failed to acknowledge that explain the current pointlessness of the episode and that it is a case of Mark Gattis being too clever too soon rather than being too clever and missing the point. Only time will tell (hopefully, the promo for next week wasn’t promising).

Jenna Coleman’s performance was sadly below par this week and her performance felt emotionless. Even Peter Capaldi didn’t have much of a trace of his usual bravado and on screen magnetism. Again the secondary actors were reasonably unmemorable and I felt as though Rasmussen could have been a more menacing and Machiavellian presence played by someone other than the too softly spoken Reece Sheersmith who was fine when Rasmusson was the bumbling genius but failed to capture the essence of a man who is evilly exploiting peoples need for productivity. I would have perhaps suggested Mark Rylance or Rory Kinnear.

It was overall a below par episode, it wasn’t bad, just boring.

2.0/5.0

And my first thought was… The Zygon Invasion/Inversion

Oh Moffat just when it was going so well, I actually reasonably enjoyed The Zygon Invasion, sadly all good things must pass, particularly when your gimmick characters become hideously overused and irritating. I am referring of course to Osgood. The central premise of The Zygon Invasion/Inversion was a good idea, it allowed for an interesting development of Clara’s character in the form of Bonnie and and certain points allowed Kate Lethbridge-Stewart (Jemma Redgrave) to shine. Peter Capaldi may even have had his “moment” (I am reserving judgement on this) all of this was ruined by the attempt to transform the one dimensional character of Osgood, who made for a lovely gimmick in the fiftieth anniversary special, into a multi-dimensional supporting character (and no Moffat this is not something you accomplish by having two Osgoods on screen). Ingrid Oliver was a lovely addition when there wasn’t much of her, now however the asthmatic fangirl has outlived her potential and should have been killed off for ruining an otherwise excellent episode. I would have liked more Kate and less Osgood.

Rating 8.0/10.0

And my first thought was: Doctor Who- ‘The Woman who lived’

After last weeks vitriolic hatred of the episode, this weeks review will be mellower in tone, and in places even complimentary. I enjoyed the script I felt that it was well written and allowed Peter Capaldi to flex his acting muscles more than last week. The humour was reasonably well balanced with the drama and although in places I questioned the appropriateness of the casting (Rufus Hound is thirty six and Maisie Williams eighteen, I did not want an implied romantic relationship at all) it was over all an excellent episode written by Catherine Tregenna (I know a female writer…shock horror. First time there has been a female writer under Steven Moffat). There were problems of course, I felt that Leandro was not utilised as a villain and personally I would have focused more on the potential for the sinister eyes emitting from the bushes rather than regulating Leandro to essentially a cameo part in favour of endless flashbacks (none of which were historically accurate) and deep and reasonably wooden reflections on the meaning of eternal life. Maisie William’s performance was admittedly better than last week, I feel that Catherine Tregenna’s writing deserves credit for that as the central rule of drama is that a good script can rescue a bad performance where as a good performance cannot rescue a useless script.  I still feel as though we are expected to care rather too much for Ashildr on the basis of the (fading) merits of Williams’ Arya Stark but I shall at least refrain from enacting vengeance against  her for a much better performance than last week.

The episode raises some interesting questions, not about mortality but on the role of women within Sci-Fi and fantasy. Arya Stark is lauded as a shining example of a strong female character and Ashildr is evidently set up to follow this trend, ignoring the fact that Moffat’s track record for empowering women on Doctor Who is less than exemplary, Amy Pond spend virtually every episode requiring rescue and poor Clara has been relegated recently in favour of the inferior Missy and Me (Ashildr). Whilst Rose Tyler was not exactly woman of the year material Martha and Donna were both far more interesting characters than any that Moffat has yet devised, as tonights episode as proved, I strongly feel that the only way to accomplish this is to have more female writers, directors and producers ensuring that female characters are more than one dimension and there empowerment can be based on their merits as a character and not the fact that the actresses is best known for playing similar (but better written character)

And my first thought was: Doctor Who: The Girl who died.

Ok, so disclaimer number one. I am a huge Game of Thrones/ A song of ice and fire fan. Disclaimer number two: I am proudly one of the “snobby” book readers who do indeed feel like we have more of a claim on the series because we read the books first. Disclaimer number three: I did not go into the episode with an open mind.

Let’s start at the beginning. I greatly enjoyed the last two episodes, so much so that you didn’t get a rant on them. This week however, please be prepared for a mighty onslaught of vitriolic hatred for scriptwriting and wooden acting.I shall address the former first.

The episode written by Jaime Mathieson and Steven Moffatt was one of the biggest loads of tripe I have ever watched. The dialogue was wooden, the villain was underdeveloped and the plot, whilst a good initial premise, sank into the depths of convolution and refused to resurface as impractical plans, anticlimactic battles and the power of imagination resulted in the episode becoming a irritating and mind-numbing bore. To make matters worse, the explanation of  Peter Capaldi as the twelfth doctor felt unnecessary. The final plot twist was the nail in a very wooden coffin.

Maisie Williams’ performance was beyond garbage. It was one of the singular most diabolical performances that it has ever been my misfortune to have had to witness. The ‘fan favourite’ of Game of Thrones delivered every single line in either a monotone or a whine. Neither of which allowed her to convey any emotion or make the character at all interesting or watchable. The greatest moment of her performance was when I was certain that I would never have to see her profane an episode of Doctor Who ever again. When I was tragically proved wrong I fell into serious doubt as to whether I am ever going to bother watching either Game of Thrones or Doctor Who ever again. The only merit that can be said of the episode is that it made me realise that I am occasionally slightly harsh on Jenna Coleman, whose performance, whilst not incredible due to the irritating fact that the script pigeon-holed Williams in at any opportunity possible, was at least consistent, showed a range of emotions and didn’t make my skin crawl every time she opened her mouth. I genuinely hope that Steven Moffat reads  this and realises that no amount of Daleks is going to make up for last nights episode any time soon. You have disappointed me and the fact that a large number of the people I have talked to about the episode have expressed similar opinions, particularly regarding Maisie Williams, you might perhaps think about what you do next, as I believe that you may have found New-Who’s Bonnie Langford. Long Live Michael Grade.

And my first thought was….Game of Thrones Season 5

Disclaimer: the following opinions are of someone who refused to have the film of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in the house for eight years because it deviated too much from the book. (I then personally bought it when Deathly Hallows part one came out. I do actually now love the film. Book order 5,3,7,4,6,2,1. Film Order 5,4,6,3,8,2,1,7)

I have long had the problem with filmed adaptations of books that they deviate too much from the source material without remaining within the spirit of the primary canon. Game of Thrones season five committed just such a sin. I thought that I would give my frank opinion of season five in light of the shed-load of emmys that were won by the series on Sunday night, including Best Drama, Best Director, Best Supporting Actor and Outstanding writing for Beninoff and Weiss.  Due to the length and range of possible comment I could make on the series, I have decided to comment on ten positives and ten negatives of series 5.

Negatives:

10) The reasons for Loras, Margarey and Cersei being arrested. The loss of the Kettleblack’s has greatly shifted the focus of the persecutions of the High Sparrow from misogyny to homophobia and I don’t approve. Firstly as it greatly diminishes from the conversation between Cersei and Margarey which in the book is far more of a Queen Bitch moment as Cersei’s scheming far more personal and delicious to read as Cersei accuses Margarey of  fornication and adultery. It also greatly lessoned the potential dramatic impact of Cersei’s trial. In the books we have had “Lancel, the ketteblack’s and moonboy for all I know” Cersei’s downfall is all that sweeter as we know the depth of her betrayal of Jaime, in the tv series I spent the entire of the walk of shame with my middle finger raised at the high septon because I felt so sorry for Cersei.

9) Brienne’s adventures. I have a serious girl crush on Gwendoline Christie but I really wish that the writers could have stuck more to the books with Brienne rather than sending her on a whirlwind tour of Westeros without much real point.

8) Tyrion. I love Peter Dinklage but he’s not brought his best work this season and I did not feel that the emmy was as well deserved as it would have been had he got it last season for his fantastic performance in ‘The Laws of Gods and Men’. The writing unfortunetly didn’t  do justice to the depths of the depression that Tyrion has sunk into in the books and I didn’t feel that the Jorah/Tyrion dynamic was anything other than forced.

7) Jorah. Poor HBO, not enough money to hire another  few actors in order to ensure that a plot made more sense. The decision to mesh Jorah with Jon Cottington was not a good decision and the pace of the series has been jarred in my opinion by the decision not to include Aegon/FAegon/Young Griff.

6) Baelish. This should possibly actually be a Sansa sin but as Sophie Turner’s acting was so extraordinary this season I decided the sin should actually go to the writers for failing to realise that Petyr Baelish is a creepy paedophilic bastard who is never ever going to allow Sansa out of his sight, let alone leaving her alone in the north with Ramsay Snow. Also the Bolton’s have far more power in the tv series with Ramsay marrying an actual Stark rather than Jeyne Poole.

5) Arya. I really wish that her storyline would hurry up and do cool stuff. She bores me. In both the tv series and the books. Sorry, George.

4) Barristan Selmy. Why? Just Why? Perfectly decent character who is meant to still be alive and running Meereen in Daenerys’s absence. Brutally killed off to allow Tyrion to skip straight to Daenerys.

3) Stannis. I have to admit, I gave Stannis a best parent in Westeros award in episode 5 and then hurriedly removed it as TV Stannis burned his only daughter alive. Something book Stannis would never ever have done. Moreover, the end Stannis/Brienne scene was god awful and if he actually is dead, I will move this further up this list.

2) Jaime and Bronn’s Dornish adventures. I don’t like Bronn sufficiently to consider this storyline anything other than forcing Jerome Flynn into the plotline whilst ensuring that he doesn’t work with Lena Heady. Removed all of the intrinsic character development that book Jaime has during this time. It was comedic but unnecessary and awful. Also where is Arianne Martell

And 1) Anything involving Olly. I have a very low tolerance for child actors anyway but having the irritating little shit who I have wanted to punch for the past year kill Jon Snow rather than having Bowen Marsh and a sobbing Nights watch kill Jon, which has far more dramatic impact.

Best of Series 5

10) Tyrion and Jorah. This was at least at the beginning a very well acted and well written hostage situation, particularly during the scene in which Tyrion is still unaware of which Queen he is actually being taken to. Sadly it deteriorated as the writing illogically diverted the plot, I did not think that Peter Dinklage deserved an emmy for this season.

9) Jaime and Cersei’s episode one conversation. Although not quite the conversation that they have in the books, it was very well acted and did begin to show the Lannister twins beginning to distance themselves from each other.

8) Ramsay Snow. Iwan Rheon continues to play a psychopath exceptionally well, taking Ramsay to new heights this season, particularly during the sadistically delicious breakfast table scene.

7) Davos. Liam Cunnigham gives an excellent performance and despite the travesty of Stannis murdering Shireen, I am looking forward to Davos’s reaction to all that has happened.

6) Brienne and Pod. Although Pod still isn’t quite right in my mind and hasn’t been since the ‘Tripod’ incident in season three. I did enjoy the platonic on screen chemistry between the two.

5) The High Sparrow. I loath the High Sparrow which is testament to both the writing and Jonathan Pryce’s performance. I spent large sections of his time on screen swearing at him, particularly in his actions against Cersei. He needs to die and that to me is a sign of a fantastic performance.

4) Oleanna Tyrell. Diana Rigg is awesome and Oleanna and Cersei’s face off was hilarious and very well written.

3) Sansa and Theon: Even though as already mentioned I didn’t feel that this diversion from the book canon was in character as far as Baelish was concerned, the way the brutal wedding night of Ramsay and Sansa was filmed was extremely well done as the scene diverted away from the actual rape and instead focused on Theon’s reaction, making the scene far more dramatic. I also have to praise Sophie Turner’s acting in general as whilst Sansa is one of my least favourite characters in the books, she has succeeded in making the character more interesting.

2) Battle of Hardhome. Any opportunity to have white walkers is pushing it but this scene was very well done, despite the five minute character kill off of Karsi and the non-canon nature of the scene. I also greatly enjoyed the inclusion of Wun Wun as I was worried that they were going to miss him out.

And 1) The walk of shame. This scenes was done phenomenally well, to the extent that they even got the taunting (and exposure) of the crowd correct. Lena Heady’s acting was extraordinary and I was genuinely in awe at how good it was.

Rating? 6/10 It wasn’t as good as last season but I am still going to continue watching it, I just have to hope that season six is better.

And my first thought was….Doctor Who series 9

‘The Magician’s apprentice’ was an odd episode. It lacked any form of continuity and had a number of elements to it that were beyond any shadow of a doubt a sign  of Steven Moffat failing to ensure that the episode remained consistently good. It is, in my opinion, something that is symptomatic of Steven Moffat’s time as head writer and executive producer as a whole. I loved the last two episodes of season 8, Missy’s introduction was fantastic and I loved the cyberman element. However, I loathed Kill the Moon and In the forest of the night more than I can possibly say, particularly the anti-climatic, preachy drivel that Frank Cottrell-Boyce churned out in the latter episode. Steven Moffat’s reign has been decidedly inconsistent and the brilliance of ‘The Magician’s apprentice’ was matched only by the stupidity of someone of the elements pigeon-holed into the episode. The central plot of Davros and the Doctor was fantastic and I loved the references back to my favourite ever episode of Doctor Who: ‘Genesis of the Daleks’. Julian Bleach more than did Davros justice and the episode was a nice insight into the best of the twelfth doctor. I do, atypically, have to give credit to Joey Price as young Davros whose performance was the best acting by a child actor on Doctor Who since Thomas Knight as Luke in ‘The Stolen Earth’. I sincerely hope that this is a promise of better acting by featured child stars on Doctor Who in the future.  I also hope that the hands come back as they were a truly terrifying creation, a worthy offering from of the writer of ‘Blink’.

However,there were some dreadful moments in the episode, Missy whose introduction I enjoyed so much last season was crammed into the episode making elements like the planes stopping extremely anti-climactic and the dominating interest of the Davros plotline made Missy’s involvement rather disappointing considering how good Michelle Gomez’s first outing was. Clara role in the episode also fell rather flat, particularly the classroom scenes, I did enjoy the anecdotes about Jane Austen but the scene ground to a halt when the preposterous plane element was introduced and the terminally dreadful acting of the children of Coal Hill School was made too apparent. Furthermore, as lovely as Peter Capaldi’s guitar playing was, the whole ‘dude’ medieval scene was incongruous to the rest of the episode and greatly diminished the potential terrifying nature of Colony Sarff. I also have to criticize the extermination of Missy and Clara, for greater dramatic impact the episode should have left them being backed into a corner a la ‘The Daleks’ rather than showing their apparent demise. Steven Moffat has demonstrated too many times that death does not matter in his Doctor Who and frankly companion deaths no longer have any impact.

I hope that ‘The Witches familiar’ is a good episode, I really don’t actually want to want to stop watching Doctor Who.

2.5/5